As I pause to look back over my accomplishments versus my resolutions in 2018, I notice a couple of things. First, the overwhelming urge to drift off to sleep, and second, my “Un-Herb-like” success in completing each resolution.
Looking over my list of resolutions for 2018 as compared to years prior, I took a more pragmatic approach to the creation of resolutions for the just completed year. Therefore, I scored high with my resolutions dealing with weight, exercise, altering bad habits, work load, taking up new causes and becoming a kinder, gentler human being.
Historically, I failed, not within the first months, weeks or days of the new year, but frequently within the first hours of the new year — and not with one or two items on my list, but the entire list.
As a result, I began looking deeper into my psyche to try and identify the reasons for my abject failures. After extensive scientific research and minute after minute of contemplation, dozing off, and then more contemplation, I made amazing earth-shattering discoveries that truly opened my world and gave me crystal clear insights as to the problem.
When I would approach the losing weight issue, I would ponder it with such fervor that I would think the excess thought power would send my appetite soaring. By the time I got to the final morsels of my double quarter pounder with cheese, the darkness of failure blanketed my weight-loss resolution.
As for my resolution to exercise more, everyone knows you should begin such regimented programs at the beginning of the week. Further, everyone knows you should not commence rigorous exercise without the recent approval of a doctor, and to me, recent would be the day prior to Monday, which is Sunday, and my doctor is not in on Sundays. I just can’t take that chance. Safety first! And quite frankly, someone told me that swimming in the sea of denial was exercise enough, and that was good enough for me.
My resolution to break bad habits met disaster when I realized that I gave up smoking five years ago, so I had no other bad habits – other than, overeating and not exercising enough, but I already dealt with those with a resounding lack of success.
Many would testify to the belief that if I reduced my workload any further, I wouldn’t bother getting out of bed each day. I disagree though. I would need to get up to overeat and continue my lack of exercise.
I usually find success in taking up new causes. For example, occasionally, I might miss the hamper when tossing clothing ready to be washed, and it winds up falling to the floor. When my wife asks why I didn’t pick it up, “cause” is always my answer. Eureka!
I stopped placing becoming a kinder, gentler human being on my list after years of not moving the meter any closer to becoming a kinder, gentler human being. I concluded that I just couldn’t improve upon perfection.
At the conclusion of 2017, one of my buddies, Cledus, of Cledus and Eustis fame, told me that his resolutions for 2018 was not to make two trips through the buffet line at Ponderosa, but three, even if it meant taking a nap in between trips. As for watching his weight, he said that he stopped doing that as it seemed that everyone around him was watching his weight for him.
Eustis spoke of his former resolutions to stop his hair loss. He said that baldness used to bother him until it became fashionable. He says that he is in style and doesn’t have to shave it like other guys do.
I found the exploration of my psyche to be surprising. My research consumed an astonishingly short period of time and was quite shallow. It did reveal that the reason for my failure to succeed in past new year resolutions was not because of poor planning or forethought, but a complete absence of self-discipline, which after further analysis lead to a nap and an overwhelming sense of disinterest. Looking back, I think I am a better man for it.
Happy New Year.
Herb Day is a longtime local radio personality and singer-musician. Email him at [email protected] and follow his work at www.HerbDayVoices.com.